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God Has Given Us Friends

            What’s the point of having friends?  Good question.  I’ll bet most of you could come up with lots of answers, and you could do that in a second.  You’ve got friends.  You know how important they are to you, and in a flash you could rattle off a dozen reasons why.  Here’s what I’m concerned about.  There are a few people – and maybe you know such a person, and just maybe that person stares back at you in the morning when you look in the mirror – who would answer the question, “What’s the point of having friends?” with the response, “None!  There is no point in having friends because I don’t need them,” or “I don’t want friends.  The ones I had were too fickle, unreliable, and stabbed me in the back,” or, how about this, “I’m too busy.  I don’t have time for friends or friendships.”

            Here’s something you may not have thought of lately.  God wants us to have friends.  Really!  He tells us as much in the Bible.  All the way back in Genesis chapter two in the perfect world, when God first formed a human being from the dust – even before the fall into sin, God said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).  God then made a female to correspond to Adam (equal but different) and after that God designed marriage.  But that doesn’t mean everyone has to be married.  Nor does it mean that single people are second class citizens.  What God did mean and what still stands are the words, “It is not good for man (for humans) to be alone.” While the vertical relationship we have God is most important, God never intended human beings to be little islands all alone and disconnected from each other.  He created human beings and designed them to have a horizontal connection with each other.  There are plenty of passages in Scripture that indicate the importance of friendship, to say nothing of the more than a dozen passages in the New Testament that use the phrase “one another” in encouragements toward close connections with others.  And then there are the wise words of King Solomon, who knew a thing or two about wisdom, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the person who falls and has no one to help him up!”(Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

            One New Testament letter in particular highlights the importance of this horizontal connection with friends.  It’s a tiny little letter consisting of just one chapter, twenty-five verses, three hundred thirty-five words in the original Greek (four hundred sixty-nine words in English) in which the apostle Paul is writing to a friend named Philemon, illustrating for him and for us that God Has Given Us Friends.

Proclaim to Them

            I’m picturing a dark and stormy night.  A slave named Onesimus, which means “beneficial,” wasn’t living up to his name.  Either he was in trouble with his boss, or he just couldn’t stand his job.  One way or another he was determined to run away.  So, he shoved his earthly belongings into a sack, slipped out of his room, and took off.  And he didn’t stop running for a long time.  With money he had pilfered from his boss’s safe, he probably bought passage on a ship to get as far away from his home in Colosse as possible.  He was heading for a place where he could get lost in the crowd, a place where thousands of run-away slaves teemed in the streets.  He headed to the capital of the empire, to Rome.

            But something unusual happened there.  As he frittered away his last coins, he wandered onto a busy street where he saw all kinds of folks, rich and poor, young and old, coming and going from a house that had no special sign outside and no special food or clothing for sale.  He checked it out and found inside an elderly gentleman he had seen before, a preacher by the name of Paul.  The old guy was not handing out free food or ironing people’s togas or offering discount haircuts.  He wasn’t even free to go anywhere because, of all things, there was a chain clamped onto his ankle running to a post in the middle of the room.  He was chained there like a dog, and there was a Roman soldier in the corner making sure Paul didn’t try to pick the lock and get away.  This was the same Paul who a few years ago had spent time with Onesimus’ master back in Colosse and had sent a co-worker to be the local pastor there.  Onesimus, the run-away slave, thought he was now free, but he knew his soul was chained to a post of sinfulness, and he couldn’t pick the lock and get away from the guilt.  As he listened to Paul, however, something even more unusual happened.  He heard something he didn’t at first believe possible.  God had sent his Son into the world to pick the locks of the chains of sin that clamped onto people’s souls in order to set people free from guilt.  Onesimus just had to hear more.  So he kept coming back to this house in Rome, to this preacher named Paul, and, lo and behold, they became friends and Onesimus came to trust in Jesus.  Onesimus told Paul, “I’m free to run away again and to go wherever I want, but I want to stay and help you.  I’ll run errands and deliver messages and do whatever you need.”   That’s exactly what he did – for a time.

            One day, as he and Paul were talking, Paul leaned over and said, “Onesimus, you’ve lived up to your name.  You’ve been Mr. Beneficial to me.  But you really don’t belong here.  What do you think is the right thing to do?”  Onesimus knew exactly what Paul meant.  “I need to go home, back to my master, Philemon.  But will he accept me?  Will he beat me?  Will he do what masters usually do with run-away slaves – crucify me?”  Paul said, “I’ll write a letter to Philemon and tell him what has happened.”  So, Paul wrote what we have before us today.  It’s a personal letter, tactful and touching.  Yet God has seen to it that this letter became a Bible book so we could learn something about friendship.  “I appeal to you [Philemon] for my son Onesimus, who became my son while I was in chains.  Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me”.  Paul had a friendship with the master, Philemon, and with the slave, Onesimus.  He did not misuse or manipulate these friends.  He did not bait and switch.  He had no hidden agenda.  But he knew that he had no greater gift to give his friends, no greater love to show them, no greater way to demonstrate his friendship than to point them to the friend of sinners, Jesus Christ.

            It would be shameful to search for friends or to make friends with the hidden agenda of twisting their arms regarding what we believe or trying to manipulate or maneuver them into church.  But if we really care for the friends God has brought into our lives, if we really want to be a friend and show love and concern, what better love can we offer than to proclaim to our friends the bad news about their sin and the good news about Jesus’ forgiveness?  What better gift could we give a friend than the assurance that through Jesus we get to continue our relationship with God and friendship with each other in eternity?  God Has Given Us Friends so that we can proclaim God’s love to them.

Provide for Them

            So, Paul provided this letter to Philemon on Onesimus’ behalf, “I am sending him – who is my very heart – back to you.  I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel.  But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced.  Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good – no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother.  He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a man and as a brother in the Lord.  So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me”.  I’m sure you catch the tactfulness and care.  Paul wasn’t using his authority to get Philemon to accept Onesimus back.  Nor was he demanding that Philemon grant freedom to this reformed run-away.  Paul simply provided care and concern with a focus on what counted the most, the shared relationship and friendship they had based on unity in faith.  Paul even offered to provide payment for Onesimus’ debts (18-19).  Onesimus would still be a worker for Philemon, but now he would be so much more.  Onesimus would truly be “Mr. Beneficial” now that master and slave, boss and worker, shared a common trust in Jesus.

            Selfishness is at the core of our in-born nature.  It comes all too easily and naturally.  Put two little babies in a room and give them one toy.  What are they going to do?  Fight!  But Jesus turns that all around.  By giving of himself so that we can be members of God’s eternal family, he provided the motivation and the model, for our giving of ourselves.  God provides us with friends so that we can provide for others, always growing in our ability to be giving, selfless, caring.  The apostle John put it this way, “Since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another”(1 John 4:11).  As we do, not only will our friends be “Onesimus-ed” (benefited), but others will notice.  Jesus himself said, “As I have loved you, so you love one another.  All people will know you are my disciples if you love one another”(John 13:34-35).

            The collapse of the I-35 bridge in Minneapolis, killing thirteen people and injuring a hundred more, was a shocking disaster that will take a long time for folks to get over.  It has caused nation-wide inspection of bridges.  Only strong bridges will do if people and goods are going to be moved across.

            The friendship connection between people can be pictured like a bridge.  The stronger the bridge, the easier it is to transport valuable and personal feelings and messages.  If you had to carry an expensive Waterford crystal bowl from one side of a deep ravine to the other, you wouldn’t want to make use of a rickety, narrow rope bridge like in the old Tarzan movies, nor would you want to use a bridge with a weak support structure that might collapse.  But if you knew the bridge was guaranteed to be solid, you’d carry the crystal bowl across with confidence.  That’s why you see now and will see in the future an ever-increasing array of programs and activities here at Grace.  We do that so Grace members can connect with each other and with others in our community.  We do that so people can strengthen friendship bridges and carry the crystal bowl of God’s love across to each others’ hearts.  That’s another reason why God Has Given Us Friends – so that we can provide an avenue for his love.

Pray for Them

            After Paul sent Onesimus back to Colosse, I’m sure he had some concerns.  He had written this letter to Philemon, but what more could he do?  There was one thing, and it’s not a little thing.  It’s a powerful thing and, sadly, too often neglected and forgotten.  Paul could pray – pray for Onesimus’ safe journey home, pray that Philemon would receive him back not only as a willing, hard worker but also as a brother in the faith, pray that both of them would remain true to the Lord Jesus.  Think of the impact that had on both Onesimus and Philemon, on both the returned slave and on the master.  As Jesus always prays to the heavenly Father on our behalf, so Paul prayed for his friends.

            They also prayed for him!  Hinted at in the verses before us when Paul writes, “Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask”, it is stated more explicitly in the following verse.  Think of the impact that had on Paul’s ministry.  He might have been confined to a house in Rome, but the prayers of his fellow Christians almost a thousand miles away in Colosse were touching God’s heart on his behalf.

            We – who have run away from God too often, who are dirty with sin, who have robbed our heavenly Master with our greed – we have the assurance of knowing that our Savior Jesus is always interceding on our behalf.  Our prayers for others simply reflect the love and concern Jesus has for us.  You know how much it means when someone listens to your woes and says, “I’m praying for you.”  Go ahead and say that to a friend.  But don’t just say it.  Do it.  God Has Given Us Friends so that we can pray for them.

            Friends are like good health.  You don’t realize what a gift they are until you lose them.  Just ask folks who move to a new community, or have to travel alone for work, or reach an age when they are homebound.  At those times and at all times we take comfort in God’s promise, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”(Hebrews 13:5b).  But by his grand plan and great mercy he adds a special bonus.  God Has Given Us Friends.  Make new friends.  Treasure old friends.  And thank God for his undeserved friendship through Jesus.   Amen.

Preached at Grace Lutheran Church, Milwaukee, WI (http://www.gracedowntown.org/) on September 16, 2007

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