Who's the Boss?
God give clear guidance about gender roles, which can be politically skewed, culturally confused, and selfishly biased.
Several years before the Gulf War, Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait. She observed women traditionally walked about ten feet behind their husbands. Walters returned to Kuwait recently and discovered men were now walking several yards behind their wives.
Always the venerable investigator, Walters approached a woman on the street for an explanation. “This is marvelous!” she said. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?” The woman replied, “Land mines.”
This is a typical example of a cultural practice that 1) gives the God-given expression of gender roles a bad name, and 2) doesn’t agree with the God-given expression of gender roles. God’s Word is clear when it comes to the relationship of men and women, and husbands and wives. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church ... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:22,23,25).
Perhaps you know a bride who has lobbied to have that “s” word removed from her wedding service, but I bet you don’t know a groom who has had a problem with his part of the formula. That’s because women can easily misunderstand God’s role for them by reading too much into “submit” and men can easily misunderstand God’s role for them by not reading enough into “sacrifice.”
Men abuse their God-given role of headship when they “allow” women to walk in front of them to detect the land mines, or “allow” women to figure out difficult decisions to take the blame for any failures, or “allow” their wives total control over finances, chores or discipline in the home. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that women can’t do an excellent (or even better) job of detecting land mines or keeping the checkbook. That’s not the point. The point is, women and wives are too often sacrificed by men who lazily, selfishly ignore their role and responsibility of leadership. And men and husbands are too often submitted under the all-too-eager initiative of women who don’t trust a man to do what God wants him to – sacrificially lead.
The secret to a wife submitting to a husband is a submission that trusts he will do his part, under God and with God’s strength and blessing. It’s confidently walking behind her husband as he leads the way through the land mines of life; not shying away and following someone else but “standing by her man” and showing him that she has placed confidence in him as much as God has; not barking out boisterous ridicule that will throw him off balance but helpfully providing supportive input and caring encouragement. Like she follows Jesus. Like all believers follow Jesus. “I’m right behind you! You know the way!”
The secret to a husband leading his wife is a leadership that sacrifices for her regardless of how attractive she appears to him at any given point or how attractive other pursuits appear to him at the same time. It’s not allowing her to carry the burden of a heavy grocery bag or a heavy family crisis – not because she can’t but because he cares and wants her to know it. It’s putting fleshly satisfaction aside so that selfishness doesn’t determine how warm and considerate he is. His unconditional commitment to and love for God and her determines that. He doesn’t use her for himself, but “gives himself up for her.” And so he leads, not as a tyrant or autocrat (since God is his head) but as a servant/leader like Jesus Christ, who washed feet, lost sleep and took the blame to save the ugliest of sinners and now allows us satisfying participation in our life with him. Men lead like Jesus when they say to women, “We’re here for you. No matter what. You are special and we’ll do what it takes to keep you that way.”
Would you consider God the Father to be the boss of God the Son? It’s not normally a term we use for that relationship, but the Son did, indeed, submit to the Father. That doesn’t make the Son inferior or cheap, and doesn’t make the Father an arrogant brute. It’s a blessed relationship with equal status (value) but different roles. Today is Boss Day, and if you are blessed by an employer who leads with love you don’t cringe when you hear that “b” word, and your boss doesn’t cringe when he considers your involvement. It’s a blessed relationship with equal status (value) but different roles.
Our communities and homes are blessed when men and women understand their equal status (value) under God and in society, as well as their distinct roles for loving the other gender as God intends.
The land mines are out there. Wouldn’t you much rather navigate them with God in the lead?
PRAYER: Gender issues can be so political, so cultural and so selfishly biased at times, Lord. It’s confusing, and plays games with my feelings about the opposite gender. Thank you for your clear words to me and those of both genders, that we might live and love with your grace and guidance. Teach us both to trust that your way is the good way, and learn to practice your principles so that you are honored, others are served and we enjoy doing your will. Amen.